booo i'm back from thailand. haha my blog is dead. lalala. should i keep it alivve?
eh all you taka and tangs working people (not kratos)
i haven't had the chance to meet you all up yet man!
let's go out soon!!!!!
and gay, if we go to liang court, do NOT spam the macdonald's boards : )

HOW THE HELL DO YOU DRESS LIKE A WHAT, GANGSTER NERD???
knnccb. fuck la, i got nothing. -.-
wear coconut leaves la. cb.



i let you in, but you did that to me.
what more can i say.

hahah i'm back. sorry la, i know the blog is damn dead. HAHA. oh wells. i got nothing much to say. my life is just work and going out. : ) anyone wanna go out soon?

i feel sick. help. i'm starting work tomorrow too, die. SIGH. 40.1 degree fever, throat hurts, don't drink water and can'teat. puked after ONE PRAWN. feel cold one moment, hot the other. -.-

well. okay. i'm bored. i slept at 6 and woke up at 1pm. no, i didn't have another late night out yesterday. i merely stayed at home. there's a malay wedding downstairs. annoying the crap out of me.

previous updates. yesterday i just rotted at home. i can DIE, the day before, i was out. bought a new camera. cos a klutz like me dropped my canon. again. and obviously it spoilt -.- lousy camera. went to funan then esplanade. HAHA, i didn't eat the whole day again, and demello kept texting me to make me eat. thank you girl, but it didn't work. but thanks all the same.

got back at 11. i've been going out everyday. sadd. i'm running ou tof cash, which explains the dreary days at home. anyways, at 1am, i went out again. cabbed down to vp, the driver was a bloody pain in the ass. showed me attitude, and the cab fare the short way was 10 bucks. fuck. i guess i was more like there to stone and get amused, not that i knew them personally.but went home at 6am. cabbed home, another 10 bucks, then slept at 7am. tsk tsk.

anyways, updates here will be backtracked a day or two. reason being, i have an lj now. so i do post there pretty often. i lock the posts so only my closer friends can see it. so yup, check your lj, if you have, for friend requests.

i'm eating chicken rice, though i don't want to. i just want to curl up and die. rawr.
and i still can't find a suitable birthday present for her.

I'm bored. and i want to drink. -.-

due to unforeseen speculations which are PURELY UNTRUE -.-, i had to remove the last last post. HAHA. aiya, sorry, cannot post this kind of contreversial stuff anymore. but, nothing happened, no worries people.

i'm rotting at home now, nothing to do. i'm bored. somebody save me. i was supposed to go out with jasper, but we're both broke, so we called it off. then nirmal wanted to, then both of us couldnt make up our mind where to, so we've been putting it off and sigh, i have no idea. just cleared another load of my stuff. guess that's another load off my back! haha.

gonna download new songs, see ya!

you've left me a wreck, and i don't know if that's what you wanted. you have no idea. and so do i. i don't even know what you want with me! i'm so frustrated, so caged up, don't know what to think, don'tknow what to do! did that even mean anything to you? what was it? was i just a sub? a million and one questions. can you even answer them?
omg. i swear, but if i find out that everything was nothing, and nothing but i lie, i swear, you have no idea whati can/will do to you. i can assure you that. no matter how close we are now, make a laughing stock out of me through this, i'll never let you live in peace.

all i'm asking is to be frank with me. you want it, you don't want it, it means anything or nothing to you, just tell me. be truthful with it. don't lead me on. i can deal with it. i already dealt with it one year ago, but then this brought back everything i was trying to cover up. so i'm fucked up. again. i don't want to feel vulnerable but yet you are one of the few who do that to me. fuck.
just. don't. okay. i can't take this right now.

still unanswered.

OKAY! so i'm back here, now. thanks sam d for the past 2 and a half days. your house is probably the last house i can stay over at cos my mum's making noise already. tsk.
it's been fun..and interesting. i like your house btw. HAHA. and, i still can't tell your two brothers apart.
word of caution: staying up with demello equals to having to be whacked at alot of places. hmm.

it's just so great to wake up nowadays, knowing that there's nothing, no backload in front of you, and that the whole day is just there for you to waste away. last time we had no time, now we have all.

best wishes everybody, all the best in future endervours.

this time we really said goodbye, now what? fuck. i feel like a bitch. did i do the right thing?
so which path am i supposed to take now? just so unanswered things.
and that didn't make things any better.

well. So i'm home after crashing at people's house for 2 days. haha. schnauzers are officially the cutest things on earth. haha.oh and i've been going out so much the i'm officially broke. sandra will now have to stay at home and rot, lest some kind soul sponsor me. :( and to all those that owe me money, pay up!!

haha. anyways. grad and prom was yesterday. i guess it was a bittersweet feeling. in the morning, it still seemed we had all the time in the world but then it all ended a tad too fast. if only rewind to yesterday. i might put pictures up, depends. i'm too lazy, and also cos everyone will probably be putting it up already!


grad was a soso experience suppose. there wasn't much i can possibly describe. it was a pretty dreary and average ceremony.
prom was different story. the four of us rushed off after grad to go do our hair. i highlighted mine, and sat my ass off for one and a half hours with nothing to do -.-
made our way to the hotel, dressed, cam whored. kudos to bernice for my brilliant make up. :)

thank you demello for your lovely present. : ) appreciate the presents. and yes, i'll miss you and i'll not forget yo,u. thanks alot for everything babe.

perhaps i looked slightly different, for alot of people seemed surprised. the dinner was horrible. my table was like at war with the war. sheesh. left halfway and did nonsense. the dance floor opened soon after and everyone totally clubbed in front of mrs kong. not that anyone cared, they just cotinued partying. it was super clubbish atmosphere cos the music was directly booming above us and the disco lights were switched on. the teachers were pretty steady. they even joined in. kudos to mrs lok and anne lee. they were the two most on dancers. :)

we wasted the whole night away after and i suppose that's pretty much how our rest our holidays shall be spent : )

haven't slept in 2 days and i'm exhausted.

questions, questions, questions.

it's nearing two. we're still awake. well, waiting for my turn to bath now, and i'm superbly hungry. haha. oh wells. technically, today is already graduation day. we are officially ex-theresians already. congratulation everybody. you survived everything.

it's been what, four days, a week? i don't even know what's going on now. on, off, disappear, appear, missing. i'm thinking i should, and i'm starting to think that after months of hesitation, it will be a right choice.

you're blowing hot and cold. i don't know which to trust. puzzled, angry, misunderstood, hurt. i finally understand why, i think, but i don't know why. what was done to derive at that, why you think that,why you think so little of me when i only..never mind.
oh, and don't go bitching to me about dad. you two solve your shit on your own.

where do we go from here? all's but a mystery to us right now.

for one last day, let this be our happiest moment. after that, i know when i'm not wanted.

oh. my. god. it's over? it's unbelievable. suddenly, everything we have been working for is gone. finito. finished. somehow, i don't feel anything. the past few months have but only been a haze.
The time we took the chem paper, or the lit one, seemed so long ago. looking at the entry proof, it's hard to imagine that we've suddenly crawled to the end of the list. it's pretty surreal.

But, i suppose, we're survivors. we made it through. a pat on the back for everyone. though the ordeal lives on (waiting for or results in sheer anticipation) at least we can now breathe and try and get our lives back, the one we lost for a year.

it's still hard to sink in that today was the last paper. And tomorrow's graduation! today was unofficially the last time we wore our CHIJ pinafore. commencing tomorrow, we'll all look like stunning ladies in pretty dresses -.-

Prom's tomorrow night. this week has sped past fast enough. the last time i knew, prom was eons away. wow wee. we'll see what tomorrow brings, i suppose.

well, i'm off on some "moving house" and "girly" adventure, so i guess it's goodbye for now.
i'll see you when i see you next.
that is, if anyone even reads this.

'Stop that noise,' Atticus said.
His curtness stung me. The comb was midway in its journey and i banged it down. For no reason i felt myself beginning to cry, but i could not stop. This was not my father. My father never thought these thoughts. My father never spoke so. Through my tears i saw Jem standing in a similar pool of isolation, his head cocked to one side.
-- To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee--

i understand. it's okay. go ahead. you go do your work and you go show me your attitude. it's fine if you don't want to see me graduate, i understand. work's more important. i get it. please, don't inconvenience yourself. i'd rather you don't go then be there for the sake of being there and make comments to yourself how your schedule's all screwed up. and for you, fuck your attitude. you're already nearing fifty, wake the fuck up and stop acting like a little spoilt brat. really, your little girl pampered personna never fails to astound me.
Just go. both of you.

i'd rather die than admit it to your face that i'm hurt.

sometimes i wonder, what are friendships all about? if i could liken them to anything, i would say that they are like war alliances. yes, i mean like the allies and the central powers, that kind of alliances.

but isn't it true? we make friends, mark them as our property, draw up war pacts and practise collective security, and aim to protect each other when the enemy comes?

sometimes, some are like italy, who went back on their word and joined the allies instead.
sometimes, some are like britain and france, who stayed allies even till world war .

but how reliable can we depend on this pacts? always? lifetime? seems to me, not. one day, soon, or later, they will break down. sooner or later, some will be like the nazi-soviet pact, and go back on their word of peace and invade their "partners."

i'm now skeptical of war. the battlelines are still being drawn. Countries are still changing sides.
where does that leave me?

yesterday was a day that can be summed up in one word : retarded.

well, met bernice up at je to go to lido to study. and being the suay people we are, we stupidly walked to the top floor when we realised that people were being filmed in front of us. so, if you watch a programme and see two idiots in the background, it's us. stupid people.

later another idiot by the name of jasper wanted to tag along. and we sat there half studying, watching bernice draw, and (me) watching dance videos. and when i bought popcorn, those two idiots kept leeching from me (that's $4!) and started throwing popcorn down each other's shirts. later bernice walked to the toilet, without realising she had popcorn stuck on her ass. how absolutely clever of her huh. : )

went window shopping after. apparently jasper became our "sister" -.- when we were looking at boxers at topshop. ha. bernice idea of course. but it did seem true, he's been following us on the most girliest things ever. he even wants a free manicure. -.-

bernice, get well soon. i don't want to fry any more carrot cakes on your head. and do go see a doctor, before i stuff panadol and unknown pills down your throat! ps, remember clown blown. : )

bernice left soon after, hanged with jasper and the guys. i swear they are the most retarded people ever. one kept stuffing tissue in his mouth for people to see (you should see the expressions on those who saw) one pretended to dash in front of a car, and another got down and did push ups in front of an oncoming car. HAHA. laughed like a mad bitch man. funny people. went for late late dinner with j, had an interesting conversation before i left. HAHA.

well that's my day yesterday. reached home nearing 12, faced a kitchen stocked sky high with new tidbits from sheng shiong. scared the crap out of me. pictures next time la. heh.

awoke with 5 texts messages today. interesting. too bad you weren't one of them. but i'm starting to not care, if you don't.

two words: fuck off.

that's it. henceforth today, i will live for myself and keep to myself i really don't see any more point in trying to anticipate other people's reactions, trying to spare a thought for them, then after that be taken for granted, or misunderstood.

i told you so many gazillion times to spare a thought for others, but time and again, you simply whack whatever's around, for yourself. you always say you don't know, you have zero communication skill, hello, it's time you woke up from your self centred ass dream and start thinking for others.your self centeredness is simply astounding and i'm dumbfounded that you're even indifferent when it's towards the family. you're really starting to be a pain in my ass. you're so critical, so judgemental about the whole world, everybody seems a joke to you, but you know what, i'm starting to think that YOU are the biggest joke in the well. i seriously wish you all the best on 19 jan. i pray that you'll wake up la, please. and i'll have the peace i've been dying for. i'm officically sick and tired of caring for other people and then get slapped in the face by them. not just you, a handful. so you know what, you can go screw up your life, go screw up your A's and it will NOT initiate any response from me anymore.

all i can is this family is whacked la. fine, call my cynical, call me jaded. but dad's the only that's got my back since forever. you two, i don't know. one insults, the other talks alot of shit. ha. the perfect family. oh, joy.

can i even bring myself to actually meet you up again and resume where we left off since our first?

point taken. i think you're having much more fun and excitement now and, i think i'll just finish off whatever i started,give you this parting gift and get the heck out of your life.

yesterday was gay. i had too much free time, i actually watched high schol muscial and step up? HAHA. i can tell you that HSM3 is ten times better that of the first one. ha, oh wells and step up two is much better. step up, looking back, is right dry.

10 strange things that happened today:
1. some gross ah beng tried to hit on us.
2. we were on budget spree.. although some idiots paid $1.60 for a tiny piece of worthless waffle.
3. JB totally embarrased them selves in front of a group of cute guys (not me!)
4.we observed that the up and coming fashion is gross - girls wearing baggy guy shirts -.-
5. we saw the first lesbian INDIAN couple.
6. we are air-hockey maniacs.
7. Berns is always the main target for hawkers on the streets.
8. i saw an ah beng and ah lian making out at the bus stop. G-R-O-S-S
9. at some point or another,everyone keeps staring, i don't know why. -.-
10. the similar situations all three of us in every single way is really coincidental.

today was fun, in a waste time way. i'm sorry, but after o's and all the strategic plan-your-time properly, suddenly left with nothing to do and time to kill, it really seems odd. it didn't help much when today's lit paper was pretty challenging. apart from that, it sucks to hear that SCGS happened to do that same poem for their prelims. no telling what that might to do the moderation curve huh. whoopee dee doo. SCGS -As, STC-Bs.

i wanted to speak to you today, perhaps wish you all the best, but somehow i was afraid of your reaction, so i kinda scratched the idea.

i can't believe you didn't tell me for two days? it was serious, how could you not have told me? please rest well. take care. please. and, don't say things like that. i know it's sweet etc, but you really got me stumped, to say the least. and don't, cos more likely. i'll be scared away. i don't know, i can't think right now, i want to just cwalk ad forget, but i know i gotta change. give me time, please.

i wished we were back to the old times, just like before.

I don't know, where to go, what's the right team?
I want my own thing. So bad I'm gonna Scream!
I can't choose, so confused!
What's it all mean?I want my own dream.
So bad I'm gonna Scream!

I'm kickin' down the walls.
I gotta make 'em fall!
Just break through them all!
I'm pushin', crashin',
I'm gonna fight to find myself,
Me and no one else!
Which way I get down, pushin',
Searchin', can't find a
Road that I should take,
I should, tomorrow left us!
--Scream, Troy, HSM3--

big girls don't cry. i'll try to remember that. i'm sorry to scare everybody else who bothered to ask, but i'll be fine. i'm not dead yet, so i'll continue fighting, as much as i'm like half dead chicken now, but oh wells, i'll still be alive till god sucks my life away.

well well, look like the obamanators won the palinistas and mccainaics. HAHA. i mean, the dance off ACDC put up. mm. i guess what harper lee predicted in that era, is finally coming true. equality. freedom, for the blacks, i'd say. : ) maybe tom robinson did die for a better cause after all. like atticus said, it was a tiny baby step maycomb made,which probably brought about today. well, obama, you wanted it, you got it, don't let the world down all right?

thanks jasper for the HSM3 songs. you stupid ass. don't think so much all right! absolute again. soon. : ) or someting else. whatever.

countdown. tomorrow, and we'll be two papers down. : ) after that, 7 more days till we officially be ex theresians. it's funny, but all the nostalgia. all our lower secondary days seems a haze. but i can say this, it has made an impact that would be etched in my mind forever.

-- for all the lessons learnt, experiences gained, friends made, teachers loved, thank you STC--

i swear i'm ever grateful for what you did. it was unexpected,but probably my saving grace as well. i guess it was pretty heartening, in spite of everything that has been happening. with us, with life. it's a whirl. but i'll try. usually i'll contradict and renounce every good thing you said in that, but i guess i'll accept it this time. another thing i must learn huh. *wry smile* thanks for the encouragement, breakdown's been at the tip,but you boosted it up for me a little. : )

ps: it wasn't the physical being of you being there that helped as a friend, but the mental i-know- she-is-there. knowing out there that someone does care out there, somewhere in the excess, it does help.

sandra, you're fucking pathetic. get a life.

so. the results are out.

America, i present to you... OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT! ha, well, i was kinda expected and Mccain, today..

you got served.

funny that ACDC even could bother checking in on the voting with an election dance off. it's funny, and the moves are sick. you can check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvJuo2C7eS4&feature=channel it's whacked but i still prefer the compilation against M&M cru though.

High School Musical Three was fantastic, made more sentimental, since this year is our grad day as well. fantastic, meaning that the choreagraphy and story line were by far the most believable and WOW-able, compared to the other 2. yesteday was okay, slacking off. stuffing ourselves with sushi and salmon, ha, i remember that. i need to let time past. seeing people humping while 428 is NOT a nice sight.

ain't that well today, feeling stoned since yesterday. i guess it's a compilation of lack of sleep, 428, and catching jasper's sickness. -.- ha. this dead thing better clear 'fore thursday lest i screw up friday, which i can't, though should i, i don't wanna bother no more.

blast me tonight, you'll never hear the end of me. henceforth this week, a wall of steel's erected around me, to a family member. i'm sorry is all i can say. your tears are wasted on me. you can put the blame on me.

oh wait, you always do.

you chased your own mother away? unbelievable. best is, you yelled at her to leave the house? how could you? then don't start defending yourself that you had to cos kor has A's and need his space. you DIDN'T have to yell at her, you know how sensitive she already is. How would you like me to treat you like that huh?i'm tempted to, really. practice what you preach, wasn't that what you always say? today she said bye to me with tears nearly brimming from her eyes. as much as i find her annoying in a naggy way, you were too harsh. way too much. and you still want to deny? deny some more. i don't care. from now on, you do your own thing, i'll do mine.

i'm glad you said what you said yesterday. at long last i could finally tell you what's been playing on my mind the last month. idk what's gonna happen ten days from now, but you're right, it doesn't seem to affect me when you're gone.

things are gonna be awkward. i don't know where we stand, as of now. i don't know. to open to all this or to retreat? and, don't you lecture me. you don't know. anything, to say the least.


whoever you are, timmo glock, i hate you. everyone hates hamilton and want him to lose.. you actually helped him win??? WHY! he was supposed to be sixth, if you let it be, MASSA would have won by one point. but the, you gave hamilton your fifth place and he won massa by ONE! i don't like you! and hamilton, you DO NOT deserve nicole.

FUCK YOU BITCH. you are always like that. so two faced. damn you, so many instances i can pull out that you always feign ignorance. it's always not your fault, though you know it is. you ain't the fuckin' emperess dowager of the house la okay. it's good enough you have the maid to wait on you, be at your beck and call, DON'T expect me to do that too. i told you, i'm staying away from you, lest your undesirable unfluences strangle me to death. you treat your own mother like this, so why can't i throw it back at you? ever heard of practise what you preach? so don't get all huffy and flounce off when you know all i did was to state the simplest of all truths. maybe you're right, maybe i'll treat you like the way you treat your mother now, when you grow old. you ain't no bloody martyr. i'm sick and tired. i dont give a damn if you got depression or not okay. fine, everything's my fault. it's always me okay. fuck you. maybe if i go away. you'd really be happy. wait, i would. if you dare make any noise about what i get on tuesday, i swear i wouln't even bother restraining myself. you want to cry and blame me, so be it. i'm immune to your crocodile tears.

and to you. yea. i'm changing. so what? maybe my replies are short cos i don't feel like talking to you? maybe i'd rather text my friends than you? maybe i'd rather hang with them and not have you cling to me 24/7. you know what's called freedom? yea, that's what i need. and you can go do your bitchy little thing to that oh so close friend of yours. i don't care. i'm really starting to think that it's time. more than over dued.

if my life ain't fucked up enough, you were the perfect cherry on top of a wonderful period of my life. i tried explaining, but if you all you wanna see it as false. then hell. jasper, thanks for the words of wisdom. i really need to sort things out myself i guess. question is, where do we stand now? if you even knew what's really happening..

A good lit or S.S student will be able to interpret what i'm feeling now, based on this picture. if you can't, how about i tell you that the thing in the middle of nowhere stands for me?

i'm trying, but i can't. it's hard. to open up in the midst of all this. i need to get rid of all this negative emotions. us, you, everything. i change my mind. no one understands. at all.

"Scout , i think i'm beginning to understand something. I think i'm beginning to understand why Boo Radley's stayed shut up in the house all this time... it's because he wants to stay inside."

--To Kill A Mockingbird--

Drinking is a good way to numb yourself to emotions you refuse to let yourself feel. maybe that, or i just wanted to drink. maybe both. turmoil of emotions about almost every single aspect of me life right now, don't know where to run. seemed like the only option for me was escapism.

J's been there for me most of the time and i thank you for it. once you find yourself a girl, i know everything will change.

the first bottle.

done with you.

beer was too mild. vodka please.

beer hadn't any effect. percentage was also too low. thank god dad said he'd buy more wine. and absolute disco. damn right he will. if i need a drink tonight, i'm stocked up. at this point, i don't give a fuck whether i damage my livers or screw up my life. it's messed up anyway.

note to self: You don't want to be like her. you complain of her all day. you agree with what father and brother says abt her, but still you're turning out like her everyday. fuck no. change. you need to. it ain't genes, it's influence. hell, gotta close yourself away from her.

i wished today, your trip wasn't cancelled. as dad said, go save the chickens, it would give us some much needed space, and time to get what i needed. now, i just wanna retreat away from you. this is it. the only way i can do that, go back to the wall i built around myself. Fuck to everything else.

batter up! play ball!

life's like a softball pitch. rough and sandy, yet shaped like a diamond.

i'm wondering, is God present? or isn't he. i really don't know. is life supposed to be as unpredictable as where the ball flies?maybe he's tryna send me an omen. in three days, three fights have sprung out from no where. god, you trying to tell me something? it's scary really. maybe i'll get into a fight. or i'll get robbed. ha. what a joke. mm. life has been a living hell for me. the monotous daily tasks is really irksome to the point that sometimes, i wish life didn't have to be this way. i wanna run, but escapism from my problems ain't gonna solve nothing. one too many, few too much. worrying over a big ugly F9 on my result slip really isn't helping at all. not to mention the least. hurr.

strike two. no balls.

there's a thousand dreams i could think of. i wish my brother was nicer. i wish my brother could what he says or practice what he preaches. i wish he could hold his snide comments and do some reflection himself. i wish the moment we had as cliques could remain. i wish we could be as we always were. i wish we didn't have to study, or be in a country like singapore.

none of this will come true.

today nearly saw another arguement erupting. i really don't know okay. we think alike. can't say the same. as for no texts or calls on the second, i was waiting for yours. it's just me okay. i need my own space, my freedom. cram me up, you're out. strike three. batter out.

disclaimer: friends mean the world to me. if anyone so much as lays a finger on anyone of my friends, anyone. you'd wished you never was alive because i'll hunt you down till you're on bended knee.

Inning over. fielders up!

i fucked up again, didn't i. seems to be happening alot these days.

life is full of surprises. i'd second that. it's been springing up alot around me recently. papers, people, strange meetings, things or people i'd rather not have seen. pfft. today it self was a coincidence in itself. flirthouse. HA. jamie, that was like funny. he was standing on the escalator in front of us without us knowing. HAHA. immediately called you. today was. a deviation from the normal stuff we were supposed to do. shan't go into detail. interesting. and bernice went...high?mm. oh wells. go for dancesation. or not. whatever it is, i'm going o school. full stop. period. i don't care, bernice. HAHA. might pull jasper along. hoho. bought whatever its urgent to buy, though its really in the wrong time. but wth. next is just leisure shopping with jams after lit. haha. and more. lmao.

strain marks are showing. fast. did you even remember today? how convenient of you to say that. you know what. continue after o's? my answer - o's, please last LONGER. i don't know. fuck.

and to the ass of a guy who thought he was effing big with his HUMONGOUS calvin klein bag (so high class HAR) YOU banged into me, so DON't you dare go "teenagers's nowadays AH." just cos i tsked at you. it's your fault, so accept it, you act-big -not- big, fat stumpy faggard.

today. was mucking around at home. no plans. rather, was turned down. so dear bernice asked me to study. wednesday. good and bad. bad, studied little. bad, felt down. bad, ready to get a beautifule F9 for humans after fucking up history. good, went out with bernice ong. good, we studied. and shopped. we had a spastic day. met lots of people. lao bungs, gross lesbians, girls from bernice's most loved school and girls in pyjamas lookalikes, among others. i won a bet with bernice, that there WAS a carl's j at far east. she owes me lunch there tmr. : ) and seventy one dollars. in cash.

shopping count for today:

bernice:
- naval stud (which i had to help choose cos she was so indecisive. -.- and some assholes were totally perving at her lifting up her blouse? and they were probably thinking we were PL. cos they saw me choosing for her, then saw her take money from me, and then return the change. who does that, except for couples!?) sandra cheng. :)
- some hairband (she can use for her future job interview.) (i paid)
- starbucks chocolate chip ( which probably made her high and start dancing!)
- ipod PINK skin (which i had to paste for her cos she sucked at it -.-)

sandra:
- grad white heels
- reservation on a prom dress (should i buy? )
- condensing chicken. bernice's favourite. more on bernice's lj.

we were in the midst/ in two minds to buy sex bands from 77th street. something that probably made the person think we were PLs further. i'm so not wanting BERNICE to break my sex bands, for those who knows what it means. LMAO. she so wanna dance, so do i. stop stealing my songs bernice. and YOU caused the PL revival, not me. rawr.

a letter straight to your heart - what do you know about me? nothing. do you know what i've been doing? no. do i care? no. do i bother? no. what to do? i don't know. tell me what to do. i really don't know. bridge the gap between the constantly drifting islands? or cut the line and to each his own?

happy birthday simin. hope you enjoyed yourself. happy sweet sixteenth.

Reasons why i don't wear dresses:

im not a flippin' ballerina!

er.. unglam,much?

model shot!

emo kid.

random post. grandma just came in with some old photos and i spent like damn long laughing over the top two photos. superr funny! haha. maybe thats why dresses and i dont get along. pah. two weeks more to after o's. gambatte everybody!

English today was doable. i think i handled it well, but shall not delve further into it, lest i think too much and lose focus. oh well.s chem was a sadd case, but screw it. no paper till friday. all the best to those taking a math tomorrow! gambatte neh!

haven't faced up to reality the last couple of days. won't know what to say and stuff. hope this crap is subsiding. really. need to get the move on. this is so effing wrong. not like you seem affected. hell no, i'd rather you don't even know. just hope i can deal with this.

the other matter. i really don't know what to say. im apprehensive and all. at least with o's, i have an excuse. to know you're by my side counting down with me, i'm having mixed feelings. escapsim. i'm sorry. where to go from twenty plus days later, hell, i don't know. i'm treading on egg shells here.

Lord, i need your help.

this shall be my last quick post for now. i can't wait for exams to be over. i swear it's such a chore. it's been getting to me lately and i'm pretty edgy. sigh. thanks to the teachers for all the help they've been providing. especially to mrs anne lee, ms goh and ms wong. well that's it for now i suppose.

reply tags:

moo: yes i finally changed skin. but it's a lousy one. but aiya, at least more mild than that bright one la.

toothead aka jasper cyril: yes i did. ahha. cool right. haha.

bear: i know! but i'm a noob and i don't know how to resize it. it's defined by blogger so i also don't know la.

leh: you're supposed to make new blogskin for me!

BE ONG: hahahaha. regarding the picture, look above. and yes i did link you la. your lj name so siao one. haha.

bear: of course i know. i'm so smart. don't want. lazy to remove. will leave it there.



and i don't know what to do. really. i thank you for all the help these past few days. but am i trying too hard? how should i react? i know it's wrong to feel/think this way, but i'm confused too. fuck it.

my brother's watchingsome crap song on mtv now. annoying. HAHA. sisi is teaching me the ah lian language online now too. HAHA.damn funny. today was quite productie, i guess. but i was loner today. didn't talk to X the whole day, and certainly not gonna make the first move to. i really don't know what to do, or what you want. you're free, i'm not. if you can't understand that, what do you want from me? i told you right from the start, didn't i? fuck, i know you for sure you're gonna run to your right hand person, bee whatever her name is. you make me feel guilty for studying, you know that? and vice versa. screw it all la.

today was otherwise quiet and prodective. poor jasper can't message because apparently someone put a spell on his phone so he can't send messages to me! ass. and i totally spammed his inbox, to no avail. i have unlimited texts anyways, so whatever. HAHA.

i'm growing fat. lunch and dinner at burger king isnt' what i had in mind for a healty diet. -.- i'm broke too. -.- i'm so going on a crash diet and gyming everyday. yea right. like i can abstain from food. but i'm for sure gonna double up on sports. i can do whatver i want after o's! and go thailand as much as i want too! how cool is that! anyone wanna come? ^.^

ah well. tmr. a new day. a new start. a day nearer to the o's. -.- pfffffft. yesterday was the last day of school. it was fun. cam whored like crazy. inverted eyebrows and all, candid stalker shots, hilarious ms koh and bernice's pics, koren model pics. i love you guys!

today was to be like the most horrendous day of my life. i thought that i'll save myself the trouble of travelling up and down on my usual cycle of mac's and fast food outlets (which is by the way, killing my intestines and building up fats, according to songsong .. an-the-ro-r-i-sil-sis. -.- it's antherosclerosis, but that's her french way of saying it) -.- anyways, so i managed to catch up on some of my sleep. but of course studying was slack. i hate it at home. seriously. and not to mention, my dearest grandmother who crashed at our house since last week (and in the process, cramping my style by chucking my brother in my room -.-) keeps annoyingly coming into my room for nothing at all, except to annoy me! urgh. like even when i'm playing psp! my blood is like boiling cos i'm so pissed off and today i'm on HIGH irritable mood.

when mummy and her proceeded to join me at the dinner table just as i sat down, i did the only logical thing to do - finish my dinner in the quickest possible time and get the heck away from there. and, my stupid maid was laughing throughout while i clanged and banged my utensils ahaha and i finished it in a record time of 4 mins! incredibly my first time. haha. oh wells.

i feel like emoing today and i don't know why. i realised that i have to tighten a little bit on my friendship ties. like some of them i'm so sure of the friendship that i slacken and forget or drift away from them. mm. and some i just need to reach out to further, nevermind my first impressions or hesitations i have. to one, you can say that i'm a little jealous that we haven't been talking, rather, not closely while you grew close to someone else, whom i wasn't exactly fond of, though was okay with. but oh wells. i guess that's life. whatever it is, hope we do stay in contact. and for X, it's thirty days over and another forty five, so you said, days till we can ressume fully where it left off. hope it can last through that period. and i'm really trying my hardest hardest to hang in there. for everything.

and to the stupid crazy liang court clique people, who annoyingly took "scandal but not scandal" photos! haha idiots! you've been a crazy bunch who's brought much fun and laughter to my life, amidst the mad rush for exams. all the best,everyone. our lives will just get crazier by the day. enjoy.

okay today there was school. duh. -.- ah wells. patron's day mass and ceremony of light. haha pictures of that another day. school passed damn slowly. it picked up in the evening... during crew practice! haha well it wasn't the whole crew la. but still! went to our fav hangout, which has been esplanded roof terrace. quite embarrassing to dance with so many people looking la, but who cares. we were fooling around and having fun what! anyways. summary of the fun time.

ps: thank you gaygay for the nice nice photos!

practice: Courtesy of gaygay.

I totally LOVE this : )

then we had constipation.

while defacating, we watched the singapore flyer.

then the sun set above the "durians" .

lastly, ended the fun day with chilling at marina square, bonding with each other : )

welcome the new edition of our guitar collection. an electirc guitar from Fender's. whoo. pictures. i love it. damn pretty.

close up.

Fender Stratocaster.

New member of the house yo!

the fun the after school crew has.

haha okay its friday and this signals the last of my exams. heh.mocks whatever. lol. yesterday was a day spent at the esplanade and we had fun. well we were SUPPOSED to be studying, but with 3 guitars, 3 cameras and music players, we couldnt help but to play guitar, dance, cam whore and have fun! whoo! it was super fun. making the after school crew video was a total disaster but a hilarious one at that! today was spent celebrating evangeline's birthday, which 15 of us went. seemed like a school excursion (head count!) hahah. OH WELLS. slacked the rest of the day off and yea here i am. go figure.

and to the tikos of yesterday's macdonalds, go hump a snail, or i'll gladly gorge out your eyes. -.- dont you know its rude to stare at people while we'r half studying. helf cam whoring? -.-

okay screw mocks now. fuckin chow chow is getting on my nerves. haha. damn stop standing in front of my row when i'm having mocks yo. superbly annoying. especially seeing her grotesque face and pouting mouth. so suay, in ther morning at the bus stop see her face -.-
oh wells, lit paper two was a killer? oh wait, both papers were a killer. my hand was dammit numb by the end of it and i just basically smoked my way through? like i didn't study and i think i went out of point for the essay. -.-

then went out with X. well actually, waited with slyvia. heh. then went candy empire for smt, then went WM, ate some yummy food, and went arcade. haha. basicaly to claim my free game but then oh wells, got some soft toy and lotsa sweets too! heh. then walked home and finally messed up my new 5x5 rubiks. RAWR. it's hard!

i'm totally screwing bio cos i don't give a damn and i'm not studying! heck it leong!

i swear i hate you miley cyrus. you are damn annoying. geez .grow up. damn you. just cos you're miss hannah montana, doesn't mean you are a dancer. oh please, mandy was the one who had to teach you. and you totally won ACDC by flook! they were so owning you please. you just mesmerised the kids a little too much by showing a little too much flesh. go figure. hacked into iphone. pffft. ACDC, i love you and you guys rock. this battle means tuppence anyways. adam, maddchadd, chris breezy and the jabbawockeez, you totally owned them. keep on rocking fellas.

last and not least, yesterday! haha. you've guessed right! i didn't study. i woke up early, i was supposed to study, but i ended up sorting out my TONS of werksheets like wth, it was the worse. heh. like the wholeliving room was filled but i managed to clear it. then i was supposed to study with jasper. that tootheadchose town. ahah and i watched him eat stupidly ripped off yoshinoya food. then we headed to coffee bean and paragon. hoho. we both bought belgian chocolate. yummy yummy. heh. then studied. i managed one chapter before spastic went high and started poking me. -.- rawr. then we were just being retarded about the rubiks cuve. the coffee bean ppl saw us doing and asked me to solve for them. wth. oh well.s of course, from there totall no studying done la. all jassy's fault. cam whore, hand drawings, etc, he bullied my poor frog. ass. he had to go home thereafter and i sat there, waiting for X. then X came and we went off. whoo actually after sitting for 1 hour first. hehe. today was fun. went back, and WHOO! ICAN FINALLY DO THE HANDSTAND!! YES YES YES! air freeze here i come baby!!!

smiles.

waddaya tell ya? he's a spastic.

emo.

finally, a handstand!

okay right. next is the stupid wedding dinner. i'll put the darn dress up la. but don't laugh!

hope you two will live in eternal bliss and may god bless your marriage.

grace and me.

stupid.

friends.

the portion size they'll serve.

conrad wishes you a nice wedding.

haha okay. i realised i have't updated for alot of stuff. so i'll do them in order of posts. first up. the long overdued grad photos. i know bear they all can't see the photos, so i shan't overload with photos. just a few. here they are. btw, that day was super fun.

the early birds. we were super early.

clique 1!

clique 2!

random!

the prisoners.

ms koh and co.

ive got nothing much to say recently. just that i'm probably feeling better, and eating alot of good food. haha. yesterday attended a dinner at the conrad, i had to wear a damn dress. no comments. sheesh i got nagged as well for not going to church and all those too-goo-d-to-be-true stuff i refuse to repeat. today went out with godma. had a ball of a time. well, something else happened, of course, but all i can say is. it's been 3 days.

this thing has been weighing on my mind since night study. i know i said i wouldnt come online but i have to. i know your guard is up now, like everytime you see us together, you'd assume we're talking about you, when really we're talking about perfectly normal things. how did things get to such a stage? i mean, true, i may have done something last year that worsened things, but i do thank you for being so magnanimous about it and letting bygones be bygones. thereafter, i really worked at our friendship, guilt seeping from my past actions. but then, after one and half years, i was prepared to admit that perhaps my first impression of you was wrong. then this. yes, i do know what is happening, but that ain't the issue i have with you. i resent being treated like a disposable, i resent the fact that you always ignored me till you needed something from me. anyone's confidence would have broken by that, but i, either in faith of our friendship, or pure stupidity, stood by your daoness, being there as best as i could when you have stuff to rant, or when you were down over your break up. and after that, as you grew closer to thes rest of the clique, the distance btw you and me seemed to grow. maybe you didn't realise, maybe you didn't bother. if i hadn't been bothered about our friendship, maybe what you did wouldn't have mattered. the fact is, you throw me one side when you're done with me and you simply go along with life as it's normal.so much for friends. yea i accepted the fact that in the mornings you're prob grumpy so i don't bother you. but sometimes, i try to revive our dying friendship and talk to you and it gets to me how distant or cold or couldn't care less replies you would give. or when you've asked everybody in the clique whether they were free and they said no, then would you come and ask me. put yourself in my shoes. would you be "honoured"? would you be hurt? if sucks to know that you regard us so lowly. i didn't mind the fact i was like not top priority in your group of friends but the least you could do was to not chuck me to a corner. like that subway cookie thing. the blatant insensitivity of you could not come through any clearer than that. it was then i realised how much our friendship you really valued. it sucks being pushed, it sucks being used and manupulated, esp to have me on your side for this matter, as you did to the rest who really believe you. yeah, maybe i do derive a little pleasure complaining about your ways, about your doings, as a payback for what hurt you caused, which i know you probably wouldn't understand OR care about anyways. and i do feel guilty, because i'm human and i have a conscience about doing so. maybe the hurt is causing bitterness and vindication that derives my part pleasure, but i still sympathise with you a little for what you're going through now. maybe i'm asking you to let things go, of everything, of this whole blown-out-of- proportion thing with this group of people, but you are stubborn and you won't. someone told me to move on and i'd really try. you know what you did to each individual one of us. and all of us are trying to let it go. i wonder could you ? we never ganged up against you, however it may seem to be now. it was a matter of time before the truth got exposed anyways. this time i can't say i was the cause of this, as i was last year, for this year, it's purely youre misdoings. ultimately, you know us and all we're trying to do is to help you, in any way we can. but if you turn defensive and ignore our help, i guess there's nothing much more we can do or say as just silently wish you'd make the right choice. you may not believe it, but maybe you wont treat us as friends anymore, but we still do care about you, however stubborn you can be. and we never said much about you,so don't look so suspicious.
us wise, i really don't know where we stand now. today i heard something else you said a few days ago and it was a fresh wound to whatever you caused. if our friendship was all but a facade, and you never considered it real, please, don't act like it is cos i really did try my best to be there for you, when now i find out i didn't have to, as all i was was disposable to you.

this isn't meant for you to seem but i need an outlet to vent my frustrations. but in the event you do see it, i've nothing left more to hide.

The AfterSchool Crew was formed on 18 august 2008 by kwang kwang and me. :) our first crew session was on the 20th. and we had a blast. MO, you missed practice! so did wen!

today, we recruited another dancer, or at least, dance lover! welcome, DEBB, the next bgirl. and a few others.

so here's the latest standing of the crew:
co-leader: Sa Cheng ( i need a better name -.- )
(speciality: C-walk/"bgirl")
co-leader: kwang (speciality: body waves and hand waves)
members:
recruit #3: wenli (aka wen wen) (speciality: aces day dance specialist, wearing han bok)
recruit #4: bboy mo-zee (speciality: duh! bboy)

newest :
recruit#5: debbz (speciality: bbgirl)
recruit#6: amanda sim (speciality:)
recruit #7: zita aka pak kim chi (speciality: handstands and concert entrances)


pending requests: eggy, leh, lydia. holla' back yo'!

days recently have been a gloom. i don't know. its not like i wanna stay home, but my immune's system been going insane. ita's like in overdrive. and i can't do nothing to stop it. it's like one moment it's okay then i'll feel all horrible and wanna double up and die. sat was okay, then night everything went downhill. after eating,i'd feel like throwing up. i'll be in a damn lot of pain. then i'd have a headache, then i'll feel super lethargic and then hungry, and when i eat, the cycle repeats. it's so annoying. today i thought a lil' exercise might rrelive the stress and all i was feeling, instead, i barely lasted the usual 10 bowling games. come home and i'm shagged. i just finished dinner and i'm feeling so sick. what the ^&*( is wrong with me? maybe i got aids or cancer or something. the earth will have one less irritant then. life's a bitch. i've been having borderline fevers and i don't know .hot cold hot cold. -.- somebody save me.

the situation's escalating out of control.

today was grad day. photo shoot i mean. haha. it was stunning, seeing everybody drive up in varying colours designs of white. sheesh. oh there was a pontianak there too. aka horse tail! ahah. berns berns. whoo. jk. lmao. chris was in a dress. i tell you, everybody wanted her picture! haha. rare occasion. hoho. oh well.s picture shoot was fun. of cos got told of for my skinnys, but who gives a fuck aye. damn.
after that, we went for class breakfast, quite a big bunch of us actually, we managed to make ms koh come. heh. in the bus, they were drooling over thomas daley's diving. lmao. ate at this cool deli, intor-ed by ms koh. it was a blast, everything was yummy, yet pricey, an omelette cost 6 bucks, believe it or not.
then we went out. walked to cine, went arcade. oh well.s fun fun. benice was super funny, shuffling her feet in her gladiator heels. cos she had blister. i had too, but could still walk. lmao. rawr. the drum thing we played was kinda cool. clique was addicted to it. mm..
interesting things happened on msn. too many to describe.

to you. i'm not your fucking princess. i never was. i don't wanna be. if you don'tget it, i don't ever wanna see you again. in more ways than one. literally. get out of my head, msn, hp. i don't care. get out of my life. you're lucky i ain't blocked you yet. don't make me. you have a surprise coming. prepare yourself, you sob.

and you. i got nothing more to say to you. at least im out of your clutches now.

yesterday was the crew's first informal session. was super fun. just sat in the homeroom, eat, then play music and freestyle. damn cool. haha. our favs were the glides, body waves and cwalk. lmao. and the frigging handstand. -.- oh wells. i love school. like as in the friends..night study. but oh wells. we'll see next week. tomorrow should be fun.

well im sick the past two days. pftft. good and bad. oh wells. i'll be going to school tomorrow though. seems like a bunch of people can't see my blog cos of the pics, so i'll stop, for now. sigh. i'm FAR bahind in my revision. and i feel like dying. oh eff you exams, get the eff away. days has been passed not cwalking. haha watching some videos. my cwalking standard ain't up to par yet yo. and, i'm glad too. kwong sisters and me have been talking and we may set up a dance crew. like for fun. not really like dance dance for competitions and stuff, but for like fun, freestyle together, form a tight friendship with people who love dance. do the bocco bocco together. whatver. haha. THE AFTERSCHOOL CREW. hollarin' at ya, clique!

time for another picture explosion!

today was bloody fun! haha in the end we didn't manage to buy anything, cept for stupid gay watches but, it was one of the fun-nest days! first the moment i got out of the mrt, i saw the crew cam whoring by the river. i was like wth, but joined in. HAHA. there was some kind

of performance thing and we bought the badge. it was nice! we wanted to stay for the performance but we missed it. poo. we went round to shop after eating pepper lunch (again, i ate it last night wiht jas) we couldn't find anything. haha. then we were approached by this group of youngsters who asked us for time to perform some magic tricks. i guess the leader was this quite cute chindian looking guy (hoho!) and another chinese guy. this two performed the tricks, the other 2 are neglectable. anyways, the chinese one fumblede alot. the chindian one was goood.heh. quite cute him. :) i like his smile. funny thing is, they walked off and so did we, and next thing as we walked, me and simin saw them below. they were looking at us and waved, so we waved back. we walked further down and then the chindian laughed and shrugged his shoulders, and said "what", so i shrugged back, and i got beaten by the rest for being a "flirt" LMAO. SO NOT PLEASE. heh. then we kept bumping into them on the first floor. heh then he came up to talk to us as we entered c&k before he went off to perform. HOHO. oh wells. then we went to cam whore again! act emo. heh. mm. then we went bugis for random stuff. didnt buy anything, until we bought some gay watches, lmao. me and sw were acting gay the WHOLE day. as you can see. heh then the rest went off and we went "pak tor" at ps. then homed. sigh. this may be the last post for a while. :)

song wen emo.

gay partner talk.

gay intimateness.

not talking.

heartbreak.

couple shot.

sandra emo.

song wen emo.

sandra emos.

simin emo.

song wen cheated on me!

happier times.

yay!

portrait shot.

hello!

to the right!

so unglam.

mor unglam.

more gay shit.

always by my side :)