Drinking is a good way to numb yourself to emotions you refuse to let yourself feel. maybe that, or i just wanted to drink. maybe both. turmoil of emotions about almost every single aspect of me life right now, don't know where to run. seemed like the only option for me was escapism.

J's been there for me most of the time and i thank you for it. once you find yourself a girl, i know everything will change.

the first bottle.

done with you.

beer was too mild. vodka please.

beer hadn't any effect. percentage was also too low. thank god dad said he'd buy more wine. and absolute disco. damn right he will. if i need a drink tonight, i'm stocked up. at this point, i don't give a fuck whether i damage my livers or screw up my life. it's messed up anyway.

note to self: You don't want to be like her. you complain of her all day. you agree with what father and brother says abt her, but still you're turning out like her everyday. fuck no. change. you need to. it ain't genes, it's influence. hell, gotta close yourself away from her.

i wished today, your trip wasn't cancelled. as dad said, go save the chickens, it would give us some much needed space, and time to get what i needed. now, i just wanna retreat away from you. this is it. the only way i can do that, go back to the wall i built around myself. Fuck to everything else.