well again i didn't go to school again. and this time, i wan't really too happy about it. i think i've come to realise that ponning does make me miss school after all. geez. sigh. later have to go for the bloody appointment thing. oh greatt. mum's bringing me. as if last night's blow up wasn't big enough.

yea yea go cry man. i'm getting very sick and tired of your antics already. man. buck the shit up. maybe if you open your eyes, you'll see that it's your attitude that makes kor not wanna talk to you, maybe it's you that daddy goes to thailand for business often. and don't come preach to me, nor find my support. i'm neutral okay, but you're starting to really piss me off by your "you are all against me, i'm so alone" woebegon speech. continue to do so, then stop the damn hell lamenting that we're closer to dad than we are to you, cos its friggin true. dad's like our friend we can relate too. hell, he even listens to some of our songs and makes an effort to do what we do. you? act like an emperess in the damn house, like we owe you a living.

you get pissed cos we don't listen to you, like you think we should. oh scrap that, all that comes out of your mouth is reproachful, like we must listen to you. dang. like take that DPA day for instance.you did nothing to help me while dad was helping me put the application together. you don't do nothing, you sit and shut your mouth. don't go on about i don't want you to take this course, i don't want you to take that course, i know cos i'm in the commercial world. man, you ain't got nothing productive to say, don't. cos it ain't much help. it's just ordering words, show me actions, like dad, maybe i'll listen then.you're not used to me and kor being able to resist your ideals and stuff, i understand that. you're so used to being the motor mouth, spokeperson for our lives. well you know what, enough. we're big enough, we can form our own opinions. we know you ain't happy at losing your power, but, so be it. that's life man.get a grip and move on.

you keep harping on the past and you blame us for not making you happy? you cry and you whine, just like a little girl, you run to your brothers for coverage, from us monsters. we're so devilish we're out of control. but think, hello, why can me, kor, dad live so peacefully together huh? why can we get along well? why can't you? you always wanna try and break us and dad up, like you don't like us being close to him. man. what for? geez. i can't understand you sometimes, jealous over little minute things, coming up with the most ridiculous speculations over trivial stuff. please, reflect. we've tried accomadating you since your illness last year man. but each time we give an eel, you take an inch. you've squeezed us dry of all our compassion, care and love. the rest is really up to you. we tried to bridge the gap, but it's always you who is sinking it into the bottomless dark sea. we're trying to help, ourselves and you, but you're not even helping yourself. how do you expect us to? you're not entirely innocent in this, and you know that. you expect us to be at your beck and call when yuo come back from work, saying it's the least we can do. hello. we have school too. we have a life. we got our own work, own shit to do. must we serve you like an emperess?

now the dirty job of handling you like a child is left to dad, he has to be patient and accomodate you because me and kor have given up. you're okay sometimes but sometimes just really childish and annoying. dad does so much for you but you don't seem to ever be grateful, ever seem to appreciate it, you just take advantage and take and take, like you're a dictator. stop that, please. and stop putting daddy down man, at least he's trying. not like you're that indispensable anyways. i know that you have a "oh so depressive" condition, but maybe if you start to change your friggin' thinking about things, maybe you'll find that life isn't that hard after all.

i'm bloody hell gonna bring my earphones later and drown out the sound of your voice, the dreariness of this effing world.