alrighty, i promised i'd post some pictures up. so i happen to just find this in my computer. so like yea. HAHA. her faces were stupid. -.- and hilarious.

oh that reminds me: i need a new webcam. :/

Sandra Cheng loves Vani Shankar.

NO I DON'T!

Hear me moo!

i weigh twice as much as much as you and i look good on a barbeque -.-

i totally love her facial expression. priceless.

Cheng Cheng. -.-

thanks. I SO love that name. -.-

I'm gonna kill myself at this rate. ain't nothing i can do but sit around and watch. I'm still not let in, locked outside. Push me away. Yet i have expectations to uphold. i hate being able to do nothing, to help, to feel caged. i keep taking and taking, i don't give a fuck if my lungs die out. i'll start damaging my livers too, for all it's worth. fuck it all.

i hate hot, ran-out-of-gas-coke.

New year's eve to new year was great.
whatever came after, sucked. big time.
Not in the mood to elaborate i guess. I don't know what's wrong either.
i try not to start quarrels, but i do react to quarrels. I am human after all.

Recently, the guitar has been my current addiction.
every day i go back, i have the urge to play it.
by the time i get home almost every night, it'll be past twelve.
last night was the first night i managed to play it for long, an hour and a half.
it took my mind off my troubles, and i was happy, for the first time.
Sleeping at 2.30 for it was no problem at all.
Besides, i wasn't on the phone being all happy for people to get annoyed at.

At work now, i have a short-lived second time to make me happy.
Whirls of emotions were rushing through me and i couldn't take it.
I know i might get sacked for it, but i locked myself in the storeooom and played my music.
Without my music, i'd seriously, truthfully die.
Techinically, it wasn't so much the music that i'd get cuaght, but the locking of the storeroom and cwalking in the dark.
Cwalking calmed me. it was only 15 minutes, but it made me happy, contented. took me away from all the problems i'm facing. managed to work out new variations. i was satisfied enough.

Now i'm back at the real world, i'm numbed.
At a loss of what to say, brain run dry of things to do.

i got introduced to a new band. their name is "rufio".
i'm starting to fall in love with their songs. : )

You're standing there alone
And so am I
But I want you here
By my side oh
Your smile at me
Tis everything
The staring game
That song of love
.
.
You and me
dancing the night away
You can feel my heart beating so hard
We look eye to eye
And I'm swept away
On a moonlit walk on the beach
Watching the sunrise for the first time
I'm in a trance
From the one slow dance

finally, the first time i'm using my house computer after the longestttt time. rawr. anyways i'm trying to force myself to eat my lunch cos it aint very nice. HAHA. oh wells.
happy new year and merry chrismas to everybody.
chinese new year songs are already starting to drive me insane.
and the confused turmoil of emotions raging in me are also driving me insane.
i need that pillar of strength.

booo i'm back from thailand. haha my blog is dead. lalala. should i keep it alivve?
eh all you taka and tangs working people (not kratos)
i haven't had the chance to meet you all up yet man!
let's go out soon!!!!!
and gay, if we go to liang court, do NOT spam the macdonald's boards : )

HOW THE HELL DO YOU DRESS LIKE A WHAT, GANGSTER NERD???
knnccb. fuck la, i got nothing. -.-
wear coconut leaves la. cb.



i let you in, but you did that to me.
what more can i say.

hahah i'm back. sorry la, i know the blog is damn dead. HAHA. oh wells. i got nothing much to say. my life is just work and going out. : ) anyone wanna go out soon?

i feel sick. help. i'm starting work tomorrow too, die. SIGH. 40.1 degree fever, throat hurts, don't drink water and can'teat. puked after ONE PRAWN. feel cold one moment, hot the other. -.-

well. okay. i'm bored. i slept at 6 and woke up at 1pm. no, i didn't have another late night out yesterday. i merely stayed at home. there's a malay wedding downstairs. annoying the crap out of me.

previous updates. yesterday i just rotted at home. i can DIE, the day before, i was out. bought a new camera. cos a klutz like me dropped my canon. again. and obviously it spoilt -.- lousy camera. went to funan then esplanade. HAHA, i didn't eat the whole day again, and demello kept texting me to make me eat. thank you girl, but it didn't work. but thanks all the same.

got back at 11. i've been going out everyday. sadd. i'm running ou tof cash, which explains the dreary days at home. anyways, at 1am, i went out again. cabbed down to vp, the driver was a bloody pain in the ass. showed me attitude, and the cab fare the short way was 10 bucks. fuck. i guess i was more like there to stone and get amused, not that i knew them personally.but went home at 6am. cabbed home, another 10 bucks, then slept at 7am. tsk tsk.

anyways, updates here will be backtracked a day or two. reason being, i have an lj now. so i do post there pretty often. i lock the posts so only my closer friends can see it. so yup, check your lj, if you have, for friend requests.

i'm eating chicken rice, though i don't want to. i just want to curl up and die. rawr.
and i still can't find a suitable birthday present for her.

I'm bored. and i want to drink. -.-

due to unforeseen speculations which are PURELY UNTRUE -.-, i had to remove the last last post. HAHA. aiya, sorry, cannot post this kind of contreversial stuff anymore. but, nothing happened, no worries people.

i'm rotting at home now, nothing to do. i'm bored. somebody save me. i was supposed to go out with jasper, but we're both broke, so we called it off. then nirmal wanted to, then both of us couldnt make up our mind where to, so we've been putting it off and sigh, i have no idea. just cleared another load of my stuff. guess that's another load off my back! haha.

gonna download new songs, see ya!

you've left me a wreck, and i don't know if that's what you wanted. you have no idea. and so do i. i don't even know what you want with me! i'm so frustrated, so caged up, don't know what to think, don'tknow what to do! did that even mean anything to you? what was it? was i just a sub? a million and one questions. can you even answer them?
omg. i swear, but if i find out that everything was nothing, and nothing but i lie, i swear, you have no idea whati can/will do to you. i can assure you that. no matter how close we are now, make a laughing stock out of me through this, i'll never let you live in peace.

all i'm asking is to be frank with me. you want it, you don't want it, it means anything or nothing to you, just tell me. be truthful with it. don't lead me on. i can deal with it. i already dealt with it one year ago, but then this brought back everything i was trying to cover up. so i'm fucked up. again. i don't want to feel vulnerable but yet you are one of the few who do that to me. fuck.
just. don't. okay. i can't take this right now.

still unanswered.

OKAY! so i'm back here, now. thanks sam d for the past 2 and a half days. your house is probably the last house i can stay over at cos my mum's making noise already. tsk.
it's been fun..and interesting. i like your house btw. HAHA. and, i still can't tell your two brothers apart.
word of caution: staying up with demello equals to having to be whacked at alot of places. hmm.

it's just so great to wake up nowadays, knowing that there's nothing, no backload in front of you, and that the whole day is just there for you to waste away. last time we had no time, now we have all.

best wishes everybody, all the best in future endervours.

this time we really said goodbye, now what? fuck. i feel like a bitch. did i do the right thing?
so which path am i supposed to take now? just so unanswered things.
and that didn't make things any better.

well. So i'm home after crashing at people's house for 2 days. haha. schnauzers are officially the cutest things on earth. haha.oh and i've been going out so much the i'm officially broke. sandra will now have to stay at home and rot, lest some kind soul sponsor me. :( and to all those that owe me money, pay up!!

haha. anyways. grad and prom was yesterday. i guess it was a bittersweet feeling. in the morning, it still seemed we had all the time in the world but then it all ended a tad too fast. if only rewind to yesterday. i might put pictures up, depends. i'm too lazy, and also cos everyone will probably be putting it up already!


grad was a soso experience suppose. there wasn't much i can possibly describe. it was a pretty dreary and average ceremony.
prom was different story. the four of us rushed off after grad to go do our hair. i highlighted mine, and sat my ass off for one and a half hours with nothing to do -.-
made our way to the hotel, dressed, cam whored. kudos to bernice for my brilliant make up. :)

thank you demello for your lovely present. : ) appreciate the presents. and yes, i'll miss you and i'll not forget yo,u. thanks alot for everything babe.

perhaps i looked slightly different, for alot of people seemed surprised. the dinner was horrible. my table was like at war with the war. sheesh. left halfway and did nonsense. the dance floor opened soon after and everyone totally clubbed in front of mrs kong. not that anyone cared, they just cotinued partying. it was super clubbish atmosphere cos the music was directly booming above us and the disco lights were switched on. the teachers were pretty steady. they even joined in. kudos to mrs lok and anne lee. they were the two most on dancers. :)

we wasted the whole night away after and i suppose that's pretty much how our rest our holidays shall be spent : )

haven't slept in 2 days and i'm exhausted.

questions, questions, questions.

it's nearing two. we're still awake. well, waiting for my turn to bath now, and i'm superbly hungry. haha. oh wells. technically, today is already graduation day. we are officially ex-theresians already. congratulation everybody. you survived everything.

it's been what, four days, a week? i don't even know what's going on now. on, off, disappear, appear, missing. i'm thinking i should, and i'm starting to think that after months of hesitation, it will be a right choice.

you're blowing hot and cold. i don't know which to trust. puzzled, angry, misunderstood, hurt. i finally understand why, i think, but i don't know why. what was done to derive at that, why you think that,why you think so little of me when i only..never mind.
oh, and don't go bitching to me about dad. you two solve your shit on your own.

where do we go from here? all's but a mystery to us right now.

for one last day, let this be our happiest moment. after that, i know when i'm not wanted.

oh. my. god. it's over? it's unbelievable. suddenly, everything we have been working for is gone. finito. finished. somehow, i don't feel anything. the past few months have but only been a haze.
The time we took the chem paper, or the lit one, seemed so long ago. looking at the entry proof, it's hard to imagine that we've suddenly crawled to the end of the list. it's pretty surreal.

But, i suppose, we're survivors. we made it through. a pat on the back for everyone. though the ordeal lives on (waiting for or results in sheer anticipation) at least we can now breathe and try and get our lives back, the one we lost for a year.

it's still hard to sink in that today was the last paper. And tomorrow's graduation! today was unofficially the last time we wore our CHIJ pinafore. commencing tomorrow, we'll all look like stunning ladies in pretty dresses -.-

Prom's tomorrow night. this week has sped past fast enough. the last time i knew, prom was eons away. wow wee. we'll see what tomorrow brings, i suppose.

well, i'm off on some "moving house" and "girly" adventure, so i guess it's goodbye for now.
i'll see you when i see you next.
that is, if anyone even reads this.

'Stop that noise,' Atticus said.
His curtness stung me. The comb was midway in its journey and i banged it down. For no reason i felt myself beginning to cry, but i could not stop. This was not my father. My father never thought these thoughts. My father never spoke so. Through my tears i saw Jem standing in a similar pool of isolation, his head cocked to one side.
-- To Kill A Mockingbird, Harper Lee--

i understand. it's okay. go ahead. you go do your work and you go show me your attitude. it's fine if you don't want to see me graduate, i understand. work's more important. i get it. please, don't inconvenience yourself. i'd rather you don't go then be there for the sake of being there and make comments to yourself how your schedule's all screwed up. and for you, fuck your attitude. you're already nearing fifty, wake the fuck up and stop acting like a little spoilt brat. really, your little girl pampered personna never fails to astound me.
Just go. both of you.

i'd rather die than admit it to your face that i'm hurt.

sometimes i wonder, what are friendships all about? if i could liken them to anything, i would say that they are like war alliances. yes, i mean like the allies and the central powers, that kind of alliances.

but isn't it true? we make friends, mark them as our property, draw up war pacts and practise collective security, and aim to protect each other when the enemy comes?

sometimes, some are like italy, who went back on their word and joined the allies instead.
sometimes, some are like britain and france, who stayed allies even till world war .

but how reliable can we depend on this pacts? always? lifetime? seems to me, not. one day, soon, or later, they will break down. sooner or later, some will be like the nazi-soviet pact, and go back on their word of peace and invade their "partners."

i'm now skeptical of war. the battlelines are still being drawn. Countries are still changing sides.
where does that leave me?